There were three toys from my childhood that have always remained in my heart, warmly remembered, triggering nostalgia at a moment’s notice. Two of them were unabashed nerd toys. The third was beloved for its style and inner workings.

Toy #1: Dataman. It’s a calculator that plays very basic math games. I received this toy as a Christmas gift the same year that I got my Mego Star Trek figures (complete with Enterprise Bridge playset) . I spent hours with Dataman learning my multiplication tables and playing with factors. When you got something right, the LCD patterns would make it look like celebratory confetti was raining down Dataman’s display. This is probably the only toy that I have bothered to repurchase as an adult. I don’t know what happened to my original, but I do have a Dataman with its manual, purchased via eBay. I also don’t know if the intended pronunciation is “day-ta-man” or “da-ta-man”. A mystery for the ages, perhaps, or until somebody chimes in to school me.

Toy #2: BigTrak. Oh my ever loving god… It’s a futuristic tank you can program! With a laser! And sound effects! And a transport that dumps things! This was easily my first introduction to programming. It is with the BigTrak that I built the skills that would lead me to become a LOGO (well, turtle) master in the fourth grade. When the TV commercial hit that showed off the Transport with its ability to haul an apple into a room and dump it on the floor? Bliss. I had to have it. I received the BigTrak for Christmas, which prompted me to ask my parents how in the world Santa’s elves could build electronics and, specifically, Duracell batteries. That was the year that my parents broke the news: Santa sometimes buys stuff at the store. So close! I nearly repurchased the BigTrak but never pulled the trigger. Brandy also attempted to secure one for me but was unsuccessful. Now Gareth has a voice activated R2-D2 that can do the same thing though it lacks a laser or an ability to specify exact degrees of rotation or a kick-ass tank design.

Toy #3: StarBird. This toy is fondly remembered because it eradicated my fear of toy disassembly. The Starbird is a huge hunk of plastic that splits into several parts. The head disconnects from the main body, the inside of that head slides out to become a separate piece, and two simple attack fighters slide off the rear wings to provide support during battle. There was also a rotating rear cannon set on a plastic ball. The two coolest features of the Starbird were the laser effects (pew pew accompanied by red LEDs) and the engine acceleration/deceleration sounds. If you tilted the Starbird nose-up, you would hear the engine climb in pitch and force. If you tilted it nose-down, the engine would decrease in pitch and become soft. This mystified the hell out of me. After playing with this feature for a few weeks, I had to know how it worked… so I took apart the Starbird. Inside the head of the ship, I found a small metal enclosure that held a 1/4″ steel ball. When the Starbird was tilted back, the ball made contact with the rear of the enclosure, trigging the acceleration sound. When tilted forward, it made contact with the front of the enclosure, triggering the deceleration sound. Mystery solved and first toy disassembled in the name of discovery.

So what happened to nerd toys? Aside from LEGO Mindstorms kits, I can’t think of much today that provides for challenging electronic play. I guess there are still the 25-in-1 electronics kits (”Make a working AM radio!”) and toys from specialty companies, but not really anything that shows up in the Sears holiday catalog where all my toy shopping occurred during childhood.

Of course, it could be argued that children are engaging in much more complex puzzle solving by playing video games, handheld or otherwise, but those games don’t typically result in skills that translate to other pursuits. Knowing hit combos or boss patterns won’t help you figure out your taxes. I think that today’s kids are awesome at reacting to stimuli, but I wonder if their toys actually do anything to teach them how to process information.

Gareth has one toy that teaches rudimentary spelling - three letter words only. Where’s the Speak & Spell to take him beyond that? It’s largely dead. Today’s youth get all their educational electronic play through the VTech products, but I’ve played a few of those and they really don’t require much thought. You can get something wrong a thousand times and never be penalized or told “Wrong!”. You just keep doing it over until you get it right. The toys of my youth let you know when you messed up and made you do it over. Failure avoidance is a great motivator.

If I didn’t want to have Dataman tell me “GAME OVER”, I had to learn math. If I wanted the BigTrak to make it around the kitchen table and into the living room, I had to learn distance, direction, and sequential command design. If I wanted my StarBird to work after learning how it worked, I had to remember what pieces went where and in what order (not that this was a function of the toy… I’m stretching here). Where are the toys today that drive children to want to learn? Where are the toys today that allow children to fail? Where are the toys that will be remembered warmly by little boy and girl nerds when they’re in their 30s?

I hope those toys are out there somewhere.